Therapy Session of Ron Plunderman #18

Ron shook his head, and continued talking, his mannerism was just a little too animated and it was clear to the doctor that Ron had been taking something.

“Well that snake bitch fled and we looted the corpse of the traitorous druid. I’m still not clear on why we were attacked, reckon she was on her rags. Filthy slag.”

“Anyway, to teach her lesson we ransacked her house, took anything we could sell and then went off and killed her pet basilisks. They were weak as piss and didn’t last long, there was a minor hiccup with Helga getting turned into stone. But Szariel stepped up with some obscure trivia about basilisks, if you smear their blood all over a petrified person it reverses the process. Turned out to be true…” Ron sniggered to himself.” It was kind of fun slicing them up and bleeding them dry. We saved Helga and had enough blood to save some of the other victims that were there. We choose the non-native types and …”

The doctor almost apologetically raised a hand to interrupt. “So why the non native types?”

Ron paused with a mild look of surprise, as if the answer should’ve be obvious before continuing with his story.

“We choose the non-native types and  told them to head back to our camp for protection. That was out of the goodness of our hearts too, saving them statue people, we could’ve just looted them instead but no. We saved them. As I’ve been telling you, we are practically a party of paladins.”

The doctor rolled his eyes, “Yes Ron if you say so.”

“So we took those pathetic fools back to our camp and went to see Julliver, that crazy feebleminded bitch we rescued. She’d finally gathered her senses enough to explain what happened to her, which quite frankly was very vague. She did yammer on a fair bit and I got distracted by her tits. Long story short, she escaped from some place … another city I think, through a magical portal and left her friends behind. She wanted us to help her to go and rescue them, which was fine by me. I didn’t even ask for a reward.”

Ron sent a beaming almost angelic smile to the doctor. “See again that’s the Paladin stuff for you.”

“Anyway, she wanted us to track her feebleminded journey back to wherever she came from. So that’s what we did. It was easy and we found an open door in a cliff that went into underground cave system. Inside were all sorts of things waiting to be killed; mostly those pathetic ketches (though Szariel seemed to cop a beating from them).  We discovered that they had invaded the complex and were at war with some weird looking bat race. “

“The bat race were just as pathetic, we spoke to them and tried to get some information but they were too dim witted to give an accurate account of the place. I told them not to bother speaking anymore and that we were going to search the place on our own and don’t get in our way.”

“So they pretty much fled the place. And there you go doc, paladin act number three. No slaughter of bat people.”

“After that there was golem, which I bombed into oblivion and giant slug which we diced. That bloody slug got me good though, bit globule of acid.”

“Finally we found something interesting, a room with a painting of the city of that we were in, except it was from a long time ago. It also depicted a painting with a seven gem stones around. Anyway we were pondering what it meant when bloody Dorian had to rub his poofter hands all over it. Set of a nasty trap. Fire rained down upon us, and it hurt too. Almost burnt Dorian into a crisp and Szariel too who really seemed to be caught off guard despite his professed specialty in being trap resistant. The fire kept burning too, I managed to put the fires out on Dorian, however Szariel almost died. Seemed his reflexes weren’t as good as he thought, lucky for him he had a few bardic tricks to save him. Even his kukri almost melted, though I think he was secretly pleased because he had made the effort to put an impervious enchantment on his kukri.”

“Oh and almost forgot to mention, that slut Julliver died. Stupid bitch, she was awfully rude to me all the time and refused to do anything sexual with me. Served her right, but lucky for her my paladin code kept me honest and I told everyone that we would bring her back, but no raise dead spell, I wanted a reincarnate spell. She needed to be taught a lesson and hopefully she would come back as something ugly with a low self esteem. And there you go, Paladin act number four. “

Session 39 Sumamry

After resting, the group head for the human encampment to talk.

They fight the radiant muse and the druid, killing the druid.  The blinded radiant muse manages to escape.

 

xp		Dorian	Szraiel	Helga	Ron
Start		135869	138869	135969	140019
Druid		1200	1200	1200	1200
End		137069	140069	137169	141219

Session 38 Summary

mass combat, slaying 50 or so lizardfolk.

xp		Dorian	Szraiel	Helga	Ron	AJ
Start		118469	121469	118569	122619	97719
50 lizardfolk		15000	15000	15000	15000
Boss		2400	2400	2400	2400
Total		135869	138869	135969	140019	97719

Session 37 Summary

The group returned to camp to rest and shop, then went on with their adventuring ways.

They encountered a Hezrou in a jar, freed it, chased it off then managed to catch it and kill it.

The froghemouth was prodded with a summoned orca, then put to sleep and dispatched.

Further rest as well as a donation made to the camps researchers followed, then on to the serpentfolk section of town where a poor, defenseless bogart oracle was encoundered, blinded, deafened and looted before being left alone.  Apparently a "good" act, leaving it alive to suffer.

xp		Dorian	Szraiel	Helga	Ron	AJ
Start		105669	108669	105769	109819	97719
Hezrou		3200	3200	3200	3200
Defeat Farming District		1600	1600	1600	1600
Froghemouth		6400	6400	6400	6400
Boggart Oracle		1200	1200	1200	1200
8 Zombies		400	400	400	400
End		118469	121469	118569	122619	97719

Session 36 Summary

An Aboleth was blinded, hunted down and killed, although AJ was killed and his body lost in the process.  Juliver, the random female discovered had her feeblemind lifted, and that night an undead ambush was fought off by the group.

xp		Dorian	Szraiel	Helga	Ron	AJ
Start		94609	97609	94709	98259	95159
Aboleth		2560	2560	2560	2560	2560
RP - Heal Juliver		3200	3200	3200	3200
2 mumies		800	800	800	800
4 wights		800	800	800	800
8 ghasts		1200	1200	1200	1200
Boggard Chief		1600	1600	1600	1600
Boggard Patrol		900	900	900	900
RP - Journal					500
End		105669	108669	105769	109819	97719

Session 35 Summary

The group kill a giant, many coloured bird, follwed by some fireballing trogladytes and some gibbering mouthers. 

The group then returned to the camp to rest, and had a day off crafting as well as aquiring a transvestite hooker for Ron.

xp		Dorian	Szraiel	Helga	Ron	AJ
Start		91569	94569	91669	95219	92119
Camulatz		1280	1280	1280	1280	1280
6 Trogs		480	480	480	480	480
4 Gibbering Mouthers		1280	1280	1280	1280	1280
End		94609	97609	94709	98259	95159

Therapy Session of Ron Plunderman #17

Doctor Monroe sat listening to Ron with a less than pleased expression on his face. So far Ron and pretty much ignored all of his probing questions. Instead Ron babbled on with an uncomfortable amount of pride about his exploits in the ancient ruined city.

“You see, at first the inhabitant of each district put up a good fight, but as we progressed I think our reputation preceded us. We started encountering token resistance while the rest of the population disappeared into hiding. Sure there were the arrogant and the stupid that met us in battle, but the common folk, the grunts and infantry seemed to have better sense. Scattering to the four winds.”

The doctor opened his mouth as if to comment but Ron pressed on with his story.

“But the snake people. Oh it was glorious. I’d been wanting to kill those fuckers for some time, but Szariel kept objecting, fearing the centre of the city would be the greatest challenge. Oh how wrong he was. At first we skulked around, island hoping to avoid main island but eventually I put my foot down. No more girlie business. Szariel was unusually quiet that day and he didn’t put up the usual objections.”

“So we flew straight there, first we discovered a weird building shaped like a giant snake egg, we went in prepared for a battle but found it deserted. Just rags and butchered body bits. Next we went to the spire, via the main promenade and sure enough we found them.”

“There were fifty of the fuckers all lined up in a military parade listening to some human looking sorcerer who claimed to be their god. He spoke with way too much zeal and said ‘Zieg Heil’ an awful lot.”

“So there we were 5 of us, against 50 of the ancient snake people. The very same that once ruled these lands. As brazen as you like we started walking up the promenade until we were  spotted. Their hyperventilating ‘god’ almost had a brain aneurysm as he cursed and demanded our heads.”

Ron laughed to himself in glee, he almost had dreamy look on his face.

“And then it was on. Most of them started running straight to us. I waited long enough to for a good hope spell and a blessing of fervor and then I went at them. You see, knowing the snake people would be a common adversary I had taken the time to craft myself a special amulet of snake people bane. It worked a treat and I cut swath from them.”

Ron looked at the doctor. “Now I know what you are thinking, these snake people were just like most other humanoid races right? Where the common grunt is easy to kill right? Well no, they’re not like human, elves or goblins. They are not easy to run through, even for me I would need to hit them 2 to 3 times. But that did not stop me,  oh no. “

“I left a path of dead snake people, right up to where their ‘god’ was waiting. I think only one of them managed to lay a hand on me, but he was impaled upon my thorn body spell for his troubles. How truly pathetic they were, they even resorted to doing some kind of drunken mime artist maneuver, dodging this way and that trying to avoid me from maiming them. Heh. I don’t think I missed once. ”

The doctor cleared his throat. “Well um Ron, as much as I love hearing how proficient you are at taking sentient life, surely it was not all your heroics that won the day.”

Ron scoffed. “Not far off of doctor, but hey I know my place in this world. I don’t pretend to think I am invincible. But since you asked … let me think. Helga. Well she summoned two hound archons that quite ably managed to distract two platoons of snake people. In case you don’t know, hound archons are kind of like half angels and half Labradors. I’ll leave it to your imagination to how they came about. Anyway the only thing that kept them alive was their angel skin that these stupid snake people struggled to penetrate.  Helga also threw some lightning bolts around to soften them up a bit and she kept their ‘god’ busy by soaking up some spells while I cut my way towards him.”

“Dorian, well he flitted and pranced about the place in his usual homo way. Used a wind wall to help screen himself from javelins and juggled a handful spiritual weapons around the place. The sorcerer god had spell resistance and he had a torrid time getting through it. Also threw in a flame strike at one point and dispel led the ‘gods’ shield spell.  Oh and some emergency healing for Szariel and Helga as well.”

“Szariel, well after his good hope spell, he showed off a newly acquired spell. A wall of sound that surrounded one of the platoons, but they just marched through it, took a cacophony of sound blasts in the process which weakened them enough for one the Labrador angels to stand a chance in killing some. He also showed off his new rod of intensify, blasting a few snake people with another one of his sound blast spells. After that it was pansy arrow time, he’s not bad mind you for a part-time archer, it just that he needed about  4 or 5 shots take out a snakeman where I did it in 2 or 3. Eventually the snake people got close to him and hurt him bad, so he scuttled of into the distance to save himself and tried sniping snake people from a great range.”

“Gelik, will he did exactly what we expected of him. Funny jokes and an invisibility spell. Worked a treat. He’s a good boy my little buddy.”

The doctor nodded. “I see. And AJ?”

Ron looked momentarily confused. “Oh didn’t I tell you? We misplaced him. Woke up one day and realised he was missing. We then remembered we left him asleep underwater. He had a dominate spell on him and couldn’t be trusted to be awake. This was back when we were fighting the underwater fish illusionist. When we went back he wasn’t there anymore. His sleep would have run out way before his underwater breathing spell ran out, so we’re pretty sure he didn’t drown. Stupid fool probably wandered off somewhere in his ensorcelled state.”

Ron shrugged. “These things happen.”

The doctor sighed and shook his head, writing something down in his notebook. “And the god? Did you kill him.”

Ron nodded. “Mostly though Helga stole my kill. Stupid hag. Anyway I reamed him good. Death by bombs. It’s the way of new magic doc. While Dorian struggled battling spell resistance, I suffer no such thing with my bombs. Oh how wizards of old must roll in their graves. Bang bang bang. I’d just learned how to prime and deliver my bombs with greater speed, thanks to Dorian’s blessing of fervor I could throw a torrent of bombs in a blink of any eye. The poor snake god never stood a chance. He was left teetering, Szariel from afar tried to snipe him but missed … Dorian missed with his spiritual weapon but Helga got him with her Ice Tomb hex, she didn’t trap him but he died from the avalanche of ice anyway.