Ron shook his head, and continued talking, his mannerism was
just a little too animated and it was clear to the doctor that Ron had been
taking something.
“Well that snake bitch fled and we looted the corpse of the
traitorous druid. I’m still not clear on why we were attacked, reckon she was
on her rags. Filthy slag.”
“Anyway, to teach her lesson we ransacked her house, took
anything we could sell and then went off and killed her pet basilisks. They
were weak as piss and didn’t last long, there was a minor hiccup with Helga
getting turned into stone. But Szariel stepped up with some obscure trivia
about basilisks, if you smear their blood all over a petrified person it
reverses the process. Turned out to be true…” Ron sniggered to himself.” It was
kind of fun slicing them up and bleeding them dry. We saved Helga and had
enough blood to save some of the other victims that were there. We choose the
non-native types and …”
The doctor almost apologetically raised a hand to interrupt.
“So why the non native types?”
Ron paused with a mild look of surprise, as if the answer
should’ve be obvious before continuing with his story.
“We choose the non-native types and told them to head back to our camp for
protection. That was out of the goodness of our hearts too, saving them statue
people, we could’ve just looted them instead but no. We saved them. As I’ve
been telling you, we are practically a party of paladins.”
The doctor rolled his eyes, “Yes Ron if you say so.”
“So we took those pathetic fools back to our camp and went
to see Julliver, that crazy feebleminded bitch we rescued. She’d finally
gathered her senses enough to explain what happened to her, which quite frankly
was very vague. She did yammer on a fair bit and I got distracted by her tits.
Long story short, she escaped from some place … another city I think, through a
magical portal and left her friends behind. She wanted us to help her to go and
rescue them, which was fine by me. I didn’t even ask for a reward.”
Ron sent a beaming almost angelic smile to the doctor. “See
again that’s the Paladin stuff for you.”
“Anyway, she wanted us to track her feebleminded journey
back to wherever she came from. So that’s what we did. It was easy and we found
an open door in a cliff that went into underground cave system. Inside were all
sorts of things waiting to be killed; mostly those pathetic ketches (though
Szariel seemed to cop a beating from them). We discovered that they had invaded the
complex and were at war with some weird looking bat race. “
“The bat race were just as pathetic, we spoke to them and
tried to get some information but they were too dim witted to give an accurate
account of the place. I told them not to bother speaking anymore and that we
were going to search the place on our own and don’t get in our way.”
“So they pretty much fled the place. And there you go doc,
paladin act number three. No slaughter of bat people.”
“After that there was golem, which I bombed into oblivion
and giant slug which we diced. That bloody slug got me good though, bit globule
of acid.”
“Finally we found something interesting, a room with a painting
of the city of that we were in, except it was from a long time ago. It also
depicted a painting with a seven gem stones around. Anyway we were pondering
what it meant when bloody Dorian had to rub his poofter hands all over it. Set
of a nasty trap. Fire rained down upon us, and it hurt too. Almost burnt Dorian
into a crisp and Szariel too who really seemed to be caught off guard despite
his professed specialty in being trap resistant. The fire kept burning too, I
managed to put the fires out on Dorian, however Szariel almost died. Seemed his
reflexes weren’t as good as he thought, lucky for him he had a few bardic
tricks to save him. Even his kukri almost melted, though I think he was
secretly pleased because he had made the effort to put an impervious
enchantment on his kukri.”
“Oh and almost forgot to mention, that slut Julliver died.
Stupid bitch, she was awfully rude to me all the time and refused to do anything
sexual with me. Served her right, but lucky for her my paladin code kept me
honest and I told everyone that we would bring her back, but no raise dead
spell, I wanted a reincarnate spell. She needed to be taught a lesson and
hopefully she would come back as something ugly with a low self esteem. And
there you go, Paladin act number four. “
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