Therapy Session of Ron Plunderman #19

The doctor looked at Ron on utter horror. “You ran that poor fellow through? Just like that? Murdered him?”

Ron nonchalantly waved the doctor away. “Don’t be so dramatic. It’s not like I killed a person.”

The doctor shook his head vigorously, “Of course he was, don’t pretend to think otherwise. You know damn well that the natives of this area are people just like you and me.”

Ron looked curiously at the doctor as if he had said something very wrong. “You and I aren’t a like…”

The doctor continued. “Yes well obviously, but you can’t say he wasn’t a person.”

Ron sighed. “Okay fine, I murdered that native, but it’s not like he didn’t provoke me.”

“Oh?” the doctor, “How exactly was that?”

“I don’t quite recall.” Said Ron, “He was very disrespectful … untrustworthy. Look it doesn’t matter, gee it’s not like its permanent. Go get twenty five grand and I’ll get the super fag to true resurrect him. Not a big deal really…”

Ron’s voice trailed off before he continued, “Look can I get it on to the next bit. You’ll like it.”

The doctor seemed far from pleased but nodded none the less.

“Well we got Helga to do some scrying and divinations. It was a great effort. We knew that Asian guy from the island was probably nearby somewhere… what was his name? Yoshi or something? Stupid foreign names. You know, Chink Eyes? Can you check your notes? You probably wrote it down. “

 

The doctor frowned. “Never mind Ron I know who you are talking about. Go on”

“Right. So we found him, we found the camp, we scouted it with an arcane eye and then …” Ron laughed to himself almost gleefully. “We dimension doored in. It was the first time we tried that manoeuvre, we call it the teleporting murder squad trick.”

“Right … “the doctor still sounded highly unimpressed.

“I admit I just wanted to teleport in amongst the barracks and start killing but Helga got all squeamish. You know, as girls tend to be. I think she thought it was amoral or something to just teleport in and starting killing. Not sure I agree but in the end I liked her proposal better.”

Ron laughed again. “Instead we teleported in and gave them a chance.”

Again Ron laughed, it was almost a giggle. “It was just brilliant. I said ‘Alright you bunch of fags you got two minutes to get out of this city.’”

Ron continued laughing to himself, wiping tears from his eyes. “I loved it, it was a choice, but not really a choice. We knew they would attack and attack they did. What a blood bath.”

Ron sat glaring at Ron before shaking his head. “So you killed them all?”

Ron nodded. “Pretty much, Chinky died, the guard died, the gorillons and even their brainless boss… and I mean brainless. Like he had no brain, the victim of Intellect Devourer no less.”

“I see. “ said the doctor, “You seem very pleased with yourself.”

Ron nodded. “Yep. They put up an alright fight mind you. Turned out Chinky was pretty damn good in a brawl almost killed Szariel. Szariel was majorly buffed too, his usual spells plus cat’s grace and one of Dorian’s Shield of Faith spells PLUS fighting in his usually defensive stance, but it was no good. Got minced.”

Ron sniggered again, “Dorian almost forgot to heal him, almost let him bleed out, but he managed to save him just in a nick of time.”

“Naturally I killed the lions share, including Chinky and the boss, it was beautiful. Everyone was happy. Spikey was happy, Toothie was happy we were just one big happy family.”

“Right…” the doctor wrote some more notes in his journal. “We’ll have to have a chat about Spikey and Toothie someday, I strongly suspect they steered you down a very dark path indeed.”

Ron brushed the doctor’s comments away. “Now now, be nice, my familiar and sword are pretty nice, once when you get to know them.”

“Yes yes” the doctor said. “So what happened next?”

“We looted of course, and then went to the prison cells, where all those natives were being held captive.”

“And?”

“We released them of course. What else would we do? Leave them to starve with their keys left just tantalising beyond their reach? Or perhaps sell them? I was just joking when I said all that”

Ron laughed once more before continuing “No No. The super fag took charge, gave them some pansy words and sent them on their way, offering them refuge in our camp. They seemed pretty frightened of me and gave me a wide berth, seemed they didn’t understand my sense of humour.”

The tutted to himself and kept writing notes.

Ron shook his head seriously. “They were lucky though that I’m so strong willed, because Toothie … and spiky for that matter were mighty keen for me to kill them.”

The doctor sighed and asked Ron “And you insist that infernal sword is ‘nice’.?”

Ron nodded. “Yeah sure. Its not her fault that some pervert created her with the sole purpose of killing everything she sees.”